For those who know me, or have been around long enough to learn some things about me, you know that I’ve suffered with depression and had some big life events that pretty much left me empty – hollow and nearly lifeless (where the heartless comes from). I went from being a person that laughed all the time to someone who cried all the time.
Now these weren’t little problems that someone could get over in a day/week/month/year. It’s taken several years, and though I’m close, it’s not over yet.
But a little bit ago I sat down and thought about everything that’s happened to me since those events. I’ve done so many things that I wouldn’t have been able to had those things not happened to me. I was able to graduate college. I made friends that would never have been in my life – and I couldn’t live without them now. I have five cats that I wouldn’t have been able to rescue – and I couldn’t be without them, they’re just like children to me. I have the most amazing boyfriend. I’m able to pursue my dream of writing and actually publish my work. And there’s just so much more.
I thought about all this and I realized if those events hadn’t taken place and I was still like I was those years ago I wouldn’t be happy. I would probably be working a really lame job, have no friends, no pets, and I wouldn’t have been introduced to so many wonderful things in the world.
All I could keep thinking about was how much it hurt. How much I had lost. It still hurts. What I lost is irreplaceable, but I can move on. I can be happy. I can do the things I love. I can finally be free.
And since Heartless doesn’t reflect me as well anymore I am contemplating using my second pen name (Ti’Ana Strife) for all future work – possibly re-release everything with it as well. We shall see… I need to think about that though. My newest steampunk series will be released with my other pen name though.
Love this song – just fitting for me now.
heartlessauthor 