I need friends… But I’m socially awkward.

So when I moved to Ohio over a year ago I  left behind the only friends that I have. Now I live eight hours away from them and I have only been able to see them once since my move… Of course I keep in contact with them, but that’s not at all the same as being able to go shopping, to dinner, the movies, or just hang out and be able to see them face to face. Especially when I was used to seeing them almost every day.

Now, of course I am told I need to make new friends where I live now. The problem is I am an extreme introvert. I may meet someone/work with somebody that seems like they would be a really cool person but I’m far too shy to say anything. If they don’t approach me, then I do nothing. It is something that is very hard for me to get over. One of the main reasons that I can blame this on is I was homeschooled and did not get much socializing. My parents (more like just mother) were insanely strict and even if I would have been able to make friends I would not have been allowed to hang out with them. It wasn’t until I went to college that I finally was able to have a social life.

Living like that for over twenty years of my life really ingrained the whole “shy – not sure how to interact with people” into my brain. The major problem is I find it almost impossible to start a conversation.

I think this is one reason why I like to write. I create characters that are amazing and who I would love to be friends with. I envision worlds that I can get lost in and it feels like I live there too. I picture myself being able to do anything and be anything, and then when I’m not writing real life once again surrounds me.

It is a good thing that I do have a boyfriend or else I would become the “crazy old cat lady”.

My best friend posted this on her blog and I found it very fitting and true.

And I better stop since I feel like I’m rambling and who really cares if I’m shy.

Up too early…

I can feel a sleep deprived headache about to start up… There’s just too much to do today for me to attempt to go back to sleep. And I really, really want to write today!

So yesterday ended up being laundry day which meant I got no writing done. Not like it is really beneficial,  but I did get more of the playlist completed for Albino Demon. I’d say that is about halfway done now.

Today I have to complete putting the clean laundry away (I wish I could be like Mary Poppins and just snap my fingers and everything would be in place) and I need to give the cats baths. That sounds so daunting. I’m sure as soon as I say the word “bath” they will all go into hiding.

I suppose I shall go try to give my fat cat a bath first. She needs it the most since she’s too lazy to clean herself very well 😛

The benefit of staying up through the night.

Well I finally got to sleep around 4am and was able to get about three hours of sleep. The only benefit I have found to staying up through the night is for my cats.

Typically they are crazy and noisy. I also find them worse than any dog that’s ever been in my family. They love to raid the trash can and scatter the garbage all over the kitchen, rip open any package of food they can find whether or not they like the contents, break things, get themselves stuck in places they have no business going into, wake me up by walking on top of me, and plenty more.

If I stay up though, they have no idea what is going on. They’ll just lay around the house watching me, waiting for me to do something. Since I was up so late they ended up sleeping most of the night. Of course they’re wide awake now and have been going crazy all morning, but they won’t be bad if someone is around that can catch them in the act.

Well, now I must go do my least favorite thing in the world – laundry.

Insomnia.

I suffer with it. I hate it. Though I suppose there is a good reason that it is happening to me tonight… regardless though, I’m not pleased.

I was feeling sick almost all day today so I took a nap in the afternoon, I thought it was early enough that it wouldn’t mess up my sleep too much, but I guess my body has other thoughts.

People tell me just to lay in bed, relax, don’t think, and sleep will finally come to you. I drive myself insane if I try that. I toss and turn, think about everything, my brain never wants to stop. Ultimately I just get upset that I can’t sleep. Though I suppose it can be helpful to my writing sometimes. It seems like my stories are what plague me the most and I just plot things out to happen or come up with interesting ideas. The problem is I don’t get up to write these ideas down and once I eventually fall asleep I forget everything I thought of. I suppose I should keep a notebook by my bed and scribble the ideas down before I drift off.

I wouldn’t have a problem with staying up all night. In the past I didn’t mind it. There were several times in college I would stay up 24+ hours and be okay. Now, if I don’t sleep during the night and get up at a reasonable time in the morning, then I just set myself up for a horrible day. Besides I have so much I need to do…

I shouldn’t be on here though. When I get tired or it gets late enough and my brain just isn’t as sharp as it should be, I start to ramble and say things that I don’t know where they came from. So before I start sharing things or saying things or just become crazy (though I am told I am on a regular basis :p) I will complete this post and wish you all a good-evening yet again.

The weekend has come and gone.

And what did I get done?

Nothing.

Anyway, that is what it feels like. I am very disappointed in myself. I didn’t get any writing completed. I didn’t even work on the art challenges that I decided to participate in. (I am a little over a quarter done with one challenge and then I decided to take on another one which is far more time consuming. I really should have waited till I was done with the first.)

Well what did I do? I got some cleaning done. That was good. I went grocery shopping. I live across the street from the grocery store so that wasn’t a problem. And shamefully, I spent almost twenty hours of my weekend – gaming… (But I was given a brand new game as a gift and the weekend is the best time to indulge myself in idle activities.)

I did get one thing done for writing. I have been having trouble with a major plot hole in Albino Demon and it was very difficult for me to continue writing when that kept glaring me in the face. After hashing the ideas out with a friend, I think I have finally figured it out and now at least I can resume writing on that book.

One of my major problems is that I like to jump between various books that I’m working on and not stick to one. I have almost completed my book The Dawn Knights (it was written years ago but has been needing major editing), I am a good way into Albino Demon (that’s why the plot hole was so distracting), Rain and Snow needs quite a lot of time put into it, and those are the major ones I’ve been focusing on. There are probably at least five other stories that I could easily hop over to, but I’m trying to control myself and stay focused on just the few. I do believe I have ADD when it comes to writing.

But enough babbling. Monday is almost here and I will strive to get a considerable amount of writing done besides everything else that I need to do.

On the final note, I am excited since this will be a short week. On Friday my boyfriend and I will be going out of town to visit his family and we will be gone all weekend. A bit of a mini-summer vacation.

Well, good-evening to all, and may Monday not be the drudge that it almost always is. 🙂

Special free promo today!

 I decided to offer a special promo for starting this blog. So if you own a kindle you can get the novel Soul Thieves for free!

And that is for today only!

Check it out or get your copy here!

I am an alien princess.

“Everyone that is close to me knows that I am actually the only child of the king and queen of an alien race. My home planet is galaxies away and is known as Airalandra.

We are a very intelligent race and far more technologically advanced than the human race. I was sent to Earth by my parents five years ago. My mission was to see what was special about this planet and I was to stay here a total of twenty years, observing humans and seeing if Earth is a worthy addition to our kingdom.

My race is able to take the form of any living creature so you would never be able to tell that I am anything other than one of your kind. We are also able to manipulate the brain and memories, creating ones that never existed. That is how I am able to make people think that I was born into a human family and was raised here.

I came with low expectations, not thinking that there would be anything of worth here. I was pleasantly surprised to find, not only friends but also love. However, the longer I remain here, the more I realize that the human race is propelling itself to its own destruction. I have decided to contact my home planet and inform my parents that this planet is worthless. My advice will be to destroy Earth – a mercy killing.

However, I am not without a heart, and as I said I did make friends so I would be loath to see them perish. There are plenty of people deserving to live and ones that can contribute many things to a society.

So my offer is this. I am willing to take humans with me on my ship when I return to Airalandra. Of course there is a limited amount of space, and since I cannot personally vouch for all that are worth saving, I will have to require an idiocy test. Unfortunately, if anyone cannot pass the test they will not be allowed to leave the planet.

Idiots are the downfall of the world and I will not let them be the downfall of this society that I wish to rebuild on another planet.

Heed my warning. Contact me if you wish to be saved and await the time that will soon come.

Sincerely, the Alien Princess of Airalandra.” ~An Alien Among Humans

Intimidation. Failure. Overcoming it all.

I am the fourth oldest of eleven children. I have five brothers and five sisters. Growing up, at least one of my siblings was always better at the things that I enjoyed than I was. I didn’t begrudge them that, I was just intimidated by them. Being intimidated by my family made me intimidated of everyone. If I couldn’t feel free to share my stories/art with the people who are supposed to be closest to me then hoping to receive validation from anyone else in the world wouldn’t have even occurred to me as possible.

In regards to writing, my oldest sister was amazing in English and loved to write. She went to college for a PhD in English. Another sister loved to write and was attempting to get a book accepted by a publishing company. I never wanted them or a parent to read my work until I knew it was perfect. The things they wrote and let the parents read was “perfect” and I didn’t want to be a failure because I couldn’t meet the standards they had already set.

I liked to read my stories to my younger siblings as I wrote them. None of them would write and since they were younger the intimidation was not there. They always enjoyed what I wrote and would give me good feedback, also everything I wrote was always designed for their age range. Of course my mother would always find out about everything and she banned me from reading my stories to “her children”. Her reasoning was that she didn’t know what I was writing about and pretty much she didn’t want me filling their heads with “my garbage”. Instead of asking me about the stories or requesting to read them as well she would forbid me to write anything at all.

The same went for art. I come from a family with many talented artists. My uncle, my aunt, my grandmother, my father, my sister, all of them were worlds above my skill. It wasn’t until I was in college and had made friends that I was told that my art was good and people actually liked it. My art teacher had selected some of the works I had done in class to be put on display at the local art gallery for a student art show. I was very proud, begged and begged my mother to go see it, and finally on one of the final days for the show, she decided to go. It was pretty pointless because all she did was complain/critique the other students’ work and really said nothing about mine. Years after I was no longer in college I had a younger sister and an old co-worker/friend attend the same college and they informed me that my teacher was still displaying my artwork on the campus.

Years later, I now have friends that encourage me in what I love to do and don’t treat me like a failure when I can’t meet a certain “standard”. I have also learned that it really doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. If you enjoy doing something and are passionate about it, pursue it. Even if its just something that you want to do for a hobby and don’t care if no one knows about it. Probably 70% of my artwork will never be seen by anyone other than me, and there are stories that I will never want to share with the world, but I will continue drawing and writing because I enjoy it.

Also all of this does not mean that you can take offense when, say you write something, people tell you that you need to work on the grammar or spelling. Constructive criticism is not the same as calling you a failure. What this does mean is don’t listen to the people that just want to pull you down and all they give you is negativity.  Yes, being intimidated by others and afraid of failure is very hard to get over. I still struggle with it at times but you just have to push through it and find friends/family that will encourage you and be honest with you.

Art and writing.

I’ve been drawing for far longer than I have been writing. Art is such a relaxing hobby for me and is really one of the main reasons I actually started writing.

For as long as I can remember, while I was drawing I would always make up a story for whatever it was that I was creating. If I liked the character that I drew enough then I would continue drawing them and creating more stories for them. Now I will find myself doodling and finding some interesting character that was hiding in my brain unbeknownst to me. Many stories will still start out in my sketch pad.

Other times I just need a break from writing, time away from a computer and words. Then I will start to sketch ideas for the story. I love to have visuals to work with and I will attempt to draw characters and put them into settings that I might be able to use in the story line.

Or else my brain decides to go in a completely different direction. It likes to come up with comic strip ideas, such as my newest one about a steampunk robot. (I’m not sure if I’ll do anything with that… perhaps post it online somewhere as I create them.)

I have toyed with the idea of writing/illustrating children’s books, but for now I’ll stick with the young adult crowd.

Autographed copies.

 Well I got the books autographed for the few people that will be receiving a copy of Soul Thieves!

Although I do have an extra book and now I do not know who should receive it. I want to give it to someone that will enjoy it. I was told that I should give it to my (hopefully) future mother-in-law but I don’t know if it would be her style of book.

Yes, I thought about doing a giveaway as a promotion too but I couldn’t promise being able to ship it out anytime soon…

I’m sure I will eventually think of something.